Same Sex Domestic Violence Support Services

Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence is a serious problem in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. Domestic violence occurs in same-gender relationships with the same frequency and severity as it does among heterosexuals. It may begin in forms one may not think of as abuse, such as emotional and verbal attacks and commonly escalates into physical violence that can be life threatening.

Available Services Include:

• Crisis Counseling Short-term and Ongoing Individual Mental Health Services

• Referral to LGBT Sensitive Shelters 

• LGBT Domestic Violence Training, Education and Consultation

• Prevention services for those at risk

If you are a victim/survivor of Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence...

• You are not responsible for your partner's abusive behavior and/or violence.

• You have the right to a safe and healthy relationship.

• Establish contacts with friends and family so you have a place to go in an emergency.

• Consider obtaining a restraining order to aid in your protection.

• Talk to a counselor trained in domestic violence issues.

If you are abusing someone….

• Take responsibility and be accountable for your actions.

• Saying, "I'm sorry" is not enough. "Making up" is only a temporary response and does not stop further abusive incidents.

• Recognize that you are committing a crime. Assault is against the law and you can be charged and/or sentenced to time in jail. You do not have the permission or right to abuse your partner.

• See a counselor trained in LGBT domestic violence as soon as possible. Join a group for people who abuse their partners.

Facts About Partner Abuse

• Between 1/4 and 1/3 of all LGBT individuals experience domestic violence.

• Partner abuse occurs within the LGBT community with the same frequency and severity as it does among heterosexuals. It may begin as emotional and verbal abuse and commonly escalates into physical violence that can be life threatening.

• Domestic violence is a significant health problem that can be lethal and has serious physical health, mental health, and social consequences for the survivors/victims and their families, the LGBT community, and society at large.

• Partner abuse/domestic violence is a crime.

• People who stay in abusive relationships do not enjoy violence. Leaving is not simple and some are too frightened by their partner's threats to attempt it. Others stay because they hope that the abuse will stop. And because domestic violence is thought to occur most commonly in heterosexual relationships, those in the LGBT community may not even realize that they are experiencing it.

You may be a victim of domestic violence or at risk for it if you experience any of the following:

• Verbal/Emotional or Psychological Abuse: Your partner constantly criticizes, humiliates and/or blames you for things that are not your fault. S/he is obsessively jealous and may prevent you from seeing family or friends. S/he may threaten you, your family, pets, property and or "out" you without your permission.

• Sexual Abuse: Your partner coerces or forces you to have sex or humiliates you sexually and may cause you pain without your consent. S/he refuses to practice safer sex.

• Physical Abuse: Your partner pushes, slaps, kicks, bites, restrains, and/or uses weapons against you. S/he throws objects at you and may damage or destroy things that you value.

Safety Plan

• Leaving an abusive relationship without a safety plan, support and information about your options is dangerous and can put your life at risk.

• Keep a bag packed that is ready to go and easy to grab at a moment's notice.

• Remember that if an argument seems unavoidable, try to move to a room with easy access to an exit, but not a bathroom, kitchen or anywhere near potential weapons.

• Keep emergency cash hidden where you can get to it quickly.

• Keep important papers with you or in your packed bag so you will have them when you leave.

• Devise a code word to use with your family, children, friends or neighbors when you need the police.

• If the situation is very dangerous, use your best judgment to keep you safe. Call the police as soon as it is safe to do so.

• You have the right to obtain a restraining order. Keep the restraining order with you at all times. Leave extra copies at work, with a friend, in your car, etc.

Checklist: What you may need to take when leaving

• Identification: birth certificates, driver's license
• Money: ATM card, checkbook, credit card
• House/car keys
• Any photos of physical abuse
• Legal papers: Copy of restraining order, medical records, paternity or custody papers, etc.
• Address book, important telephone numbers
• Work permits, green card, passport, etc.
• Children
• Pets
• Medications

For More Information

For more information contact the Director of Counseling Programs: Mariela Marin, MFT Intern
(805) 963-3636 x130